Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken. The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates. While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.
The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.
I am dying
I was not expecting that.
do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you’re like “glad i got the fuck outta that one”
i like having my own apartment bc it means when my family comes to visit i can just say “you’re under my roof” and they can’t protest shit
update my dad is grounded
One of the wild chitons I got to see in the keys!
They didn’t budge, they were stuck as fast as part of the rock itself.
Chitons are such unbelievable animals. They’ve existed since the cambrian, outliving the trilobites and countless other extinct or largely-extinct groups.
Their teeth are made of magnetite, a highly magnetic metal (duh) which is thought to help them navigate, since they always return to the same precise spot on their favorite rock, slowly wearing a notch into it that we call a chiton’s “home scar.”
The segmented shell of a chiton is also dotted with nodules of mineral deposits that act as lenses capable of sensing light and motion. They literally have rocks for eyes, all over their backs. Rocks for eyes and magnets for teeth.
I literally felt like I did not have a choice.
Robin Williams says reblog, you reblog.
did i even really have a choice?
okay robin williams
i hesitated for a second and then considered the repercussions
just gonna reblog…